Why I no longer enjoy TV shows

Posted by Jerry Sun, Apr 29 '07

Watched Primeval on TV over dinner on Friday night (actually, via a USB TV receiver on laptop, we don’t have a TV here… but I digress)... couldn’t stop laughing! See, that’s what an education of science and computing does to you. You can’t even enjoy a mainstream TV show without suspending your disbelief in a straightjacket, locking it key and chain in a cement-enforced trunk and sinking it into the harbour on a dark stormy night. It’s just as bad as watching hip hackers assemble virus code on a multipanel 3D interface, or infecting an alien spaceship using code written on an Apple laptop.

But back on topic. Some rants:

  1. You find a live frickin’ wormhole that transports you millions (billions? My science is rusty) of years back in time/into a parallel universe with live prehistoric reptilians roaming the earth, and you don’t even drag a bunch of the world’s best scientists out there to record, analyze and hopefully learn to recreate it lest it disappears? Albert Einstein must be spinning in his grave…
    1. You find a live frickin’ wormhole, and you only send 2 men, both who are completely unconcerned about this greatest breakthrough of science ever, through it?! How about at least gathering some samples of soil, vegetation and live fauna? (Counter-argument, see 1.2) How about some photos so you can document it?!
    2. Ok, maybe you’ve read Ray Bradbury’s A Sound of Thunder (1952) and decided not to mess with anything. How about putting on some protective garments so you won’t accidentally pollute the timeline and rewrite history so an ape president rules over humans on Earth?! On 2nd thought, maybe they already did that in America...
  2. You find a live frickin’ dinosaur many dinosaurs, one witnessed to be twice the size of a London bus and carnivorous, and you don’t even immediately deploy a battalion to defend yourself/quarantine the area/clear nearby townsfolk? Are you desperately hoping to be the recorded as the first modern human to become dino-chowder in the big book of Guinness? (See 3)
    1. You find a live dinosaur with wings, and you don’t/can’t even properly capture one (at least secure it so it doesn’t escape and then waste 5 minutes running through a building chasing the flying bastard) and analyze it in the name of science? Why is its poo green? I suspect it doesn’t have a chlorophyl-rich diet.
    2. When you find a live dinosaur, although it appears to be herbivorous, and it appears to be agitated by your presence, and it appears to have a huge, thick, fleshy tail, don’t go near it. Observe the majestic animal with respect from a distance, take your pictures, whatever. You don’t know its defense mechanisms, and you don’t want to try it first-hand. (Do dinosaurs growl like big cats, anyway?)
  3. See? That’s what happens when you only have a bunch of puny humans armed with silly little rifles. Everyone gets scared shite-less when a carnivorous dinosaur twice the size of a London bus suddenly appears at the camp, lives fall into mortal peril, and god knows what priceless data got lost when the raging thing kicks over a bunch of electronics.
  4. You ram a jeep at, what, 60km/h into a dinosaur twice the size of a London bus. The dinosaur flies a few feet. The jeep barely gets a wrinkle. The driver scrambles out unharmed and unfazed by the impact. That’s a darn good vehicle there, I’m convinced. What’s the brand, and where do I buy it? /sarcasm

Maybe I should watch more Youtube videos of people getting pwned in le groins to balance out my mental perspective so I can properly enjoy TV again.

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